For the second glorious year in a row, BYU has defeated its bitter, in-state rival, the University of the Great Satan Utah. And while it can’t compare to 2006’s last second miracle, this year’s game had its own game changing play with only a minute to go (see photo above, and no, Photoshop was not involved).
I consider myself a pretty compassionate, loving person; but there’s not a cell in my body that doesn’t hate everything about the University of Sodom and Gomorrah Utah. I was in Salt Lake a few months ago and happened to drive by the losers’ Utes’ practice field, where the mangy lot, the team, the inmates, they were practicing. It took all my strength to not veer the rental car on to the field and put them out of their misery. To their credit, and to my surprise, looking at the campus didn’t turn me into a pillar of salt, although the lamb’s blood on my car door probably helped.
My hatred for that
What kills me is the way Utes try to talk about BYU, its students and alumni. They love to talk about how nerdy we are, how backwards we are, how sheltered we are in “happy valley,” how old-fashioned we are. The fact of the matter is, the most vocal Utes are often Mormon, and let’s be honest, as a people, we Mormons ARE pretty nerdy, backwards, sheltered and old-fashioned. And, as a people, we’re cool with that. So just because you went to a lower-ranked, yet more expensive school (see here and here), don’t pretend like you’re so cool, ‘CAUSE YOU STILL LIVE IN UTAH.
17-10. The Church is still true. See you next year.
10 comments:
Haha - I love that the comments are being "removed."
Keep it clean, Yoots!
Austin Collie's Pre-game Prayer:
Oh great god of college football,
ESPN has told me that there is a god of college football, and if there is a god of college football, and if you are that god, please here the words of my prayer and grant my small requests...
We thank thee for the joy that comes from college football. We thank thee for the pageantry and rivalries. We thank thee for Lavell Edwards and the forward pass. We thank thee for Monday, and Tuesday, and Wednesday, and Thursday, and Friday night football, but especially for football on a beautiful fall afternoon at LES or the ability to watch 7 games at once at home on TV.
We ask thee to be mindful of our brothers who are still unable to receive the mtn at any price. We ask thee to open the hearts and minds of the owners of comcast and dish and direcTV so that this issue can be resolved. Please curse those responsible for their incompetence, and like the Crowton era let the mtn debacle become a horrid memory of the distant past.
Please bless the BYU Coogers with health and with strength. Bless their ankles and shoulders and knees that they will be able to run and not be weary. Please them with the wisdom to call the right plays at the right time. Please bless them to tackle soundly, block crisply, and protect the football with their very lives. Please bless the Coogers to be able to run through, around, and over all that stand in their way. Bless the walk-on DB's to play like all-americans and defend like never before.
Like Ammoron of old, Kyle Whittingham has turned against the Coogers in an effort to gain power and filthy lucre. In the past he has encouraged his men to fight like dragons against those who were once his brothers. Let Bronco and his warriors be inspired by a better cause, yeah let them be inspired in the defense and protection of the tradition and honor of BYU football. Allow them through wisdom and strength to regain the lands that have been captured by the Utes, yeah let them regain control of Lavell Edwards Stadium.
The Utes have become exceedingly proud. Yeah, they seek to mock their opponents with onside kicks and trick plays. In the past thou cursed their arrogance and humbled them with a loss to UNLV. Please humble them once again. Curse their hands that the football will be slipperly to their touch and when it falls to the ground curse them again that they will not be able to find it. Darrel Mack has become exceedingly arrogant. Running over the likes of CSU and SDSU and Utah State has caused him to believe that he is better than the great Harvey Unga. According to thy great wisdom, let Mack run in the manner of Poston. Let him run away from the holes and into the arms of the waiting Cougar defenders.
Above all, I ask this one thing. On Saturday evening as I head back home, let my heart be filled with that earthly joy that surpasses all understanding. Yeah, let my heart be filled with that happiness that comes from another Cougar victory.
Amen.
Austin Collie may finally bring me peace I've been seeking forever. He is the Civil rights leader I've been looking for all of my life!
I woke up this morning with little hope for the day. How was today going to be any better than yesterday, or the day before, or the 26 years of my life before that? I, a Mormon white kid from Utah County, have faced troubles and negativity in my life that most of you could never dream of. Until you have lived in my, or my boy Austin's, shoes words can never tell you how hard it is to be a Mormon, white kid who goes (or went) to a school where only 85% percent of the people are just like you.
Life was hard in Orem as a white Mormon child. Some days it was the walk to school because my mom had a job too and couldn't drive me. Some days it was the sleepless nights hoping the bishop didn't find out about making out with my gf. Some days it was the pressure to vote for Mitt Romney. But mostly, it was the terrible press and attacks that my faith took from the valley to the north, where the media is biased and only 50% of the people share my same beliefs. Although I prayed for that valley every night, I also had such a fear and hatred of it that i have never even had the courage to address, until today when Brother Collie took the "Mormon, white" flag and lead my charge.
Now, as someone in a majority as large as mine was in Utah county, I believed that I had free reign to say any stupid thing I wanted and act offended when people didn't like what I did or said. I often claimed that God helped me win flag football games as a child, and that it was my clean living and good deeds that gave God no choice but to bless me. This wasn't meant to put down my rival or claim it was me who deserved this blessing, but the idiots on the other team couldn't figure that out. Somehow they thought that my claiming "When you do what is right on and off of the field, God steps in and miracles happen" was somehow different than saying "I am grateful to God for the talents and blessings I've been given, and I work hard to fulfill my end of that so I'm prepared to help my team makes plays." Clearly those are the same, but the Liberal Utah media (see KSL, Fox, and the D-news) blows it out of proportion and those idiots from Salt Lake, who need to get lives, get all offended. This is exactly what I'm talking about: everyone trying to hold down the White people, and the state of Utah not accepting Mormons.
It is hard. It is so hard Ben Olsen left instead of facing this fight, and I heard at least one fan tell Olsen "Go back to California where they accept your religion" in the few hours he was back for the Utah game this season. I have been in hiding, but Austin set me free. No more accepting the terrible things that people do or say to you as a White Mormon, no more moving to the back of the Trax train with he rest of my majority, no more having to go to a separate Creamery, no more letting people call us names like "mormon" when the correct term is Latter Day Saint. WE WHITE MORMONS DESERVE EQUALITY IN UTAH AND AUSTIN COLLIE AND I WILL NOT REST UNTIL WE HAVE IT!!!! Thank you Austin, you strength and willingness to say stupid stuff is a miracle in my life and showed everyone around me that I am living better than them.
If this post offended anyone: white, Mormon, both, neither, a horse, or someone from Texas, I guess I'm sorry about that
Last one, I just can't help myself. Having Collie around makes losing a little more bearable.
Dear BYU fans,
I would like to apologize for the UCLA loss. During this road trip I was tempted too much by the Starbucks across the street from the hotel. The magic was not with me during the game. Also, during the Tulsa loss, one of our players said a bad word and the magic left the team again. I would also like to express my sadness this morning when I woke up and found a Maxim magazine on my porch. I would like to ask all Ute fans to resist from sending me these types of magazines as I will need magic again next year for the rivalry game.
Sincerely,
Austin Collie
Boo! Boo! Sorry Todd, but here's my rebuttal:
My Column on Why BYU is Awesome
The University of Utah alumni, Harold B. Lee, Gordon B. Hinkley, George Albert Smith, Cecil O. Samuelson and Brigham Young (well, ok, Brigham Young wasn't an alumnus, he only founded the University of Utah), I am sure, are all just as sad as I am to hear that the 'U' lost the game.
I hate it when U fans recite names of great men who went there. Everyone of them would be embarrassed at what that University has become and what it stands for.
I hear you Jared. Emplyoing Nobel prize-winning professors, trying to cure cancer and producing most of the BYU Board of Trustees is such a disgrace. Not to mention allowing free expression, allowing freedom of speech and not repressing students for failing to shave are such reprehensible things.
The U should just close up shop and call it good.
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